fucking bastard

I have never felt so hurt ever in my life.

he actually put his status has "I have finally found someone" on his facebook page.

that fucking bastard.

i hope he rots in hell.

FUCKING BASTARD!!!!

final break up

reason why i am single again.

1) he didn't change my light bulb like he promised

2) he didn't clean up my house like he promised

3) he didn't take leave to go holiday with me like he promised (the 1000000th time)

4) he is not worth it

5) my money is better spend on other stuff.

breathe... the air of singlehood...

sometimes friendship is all you need.

1st motorbike ride

On my recent sudden impromptu escapade to Penang, I was given my 1st chance to be pillioned on a motorbike. Its so fun! But I think it will be difficult to learn and still a dangerous kind of transport. Though I would very much like to be able to ride one. But hey, this girl is not a big fan of helmet head.

I do miss riding on the bike, to put my arms around his waist and lean my chin against his shoulder. Feeling the cool air caress my arms and at the same time forcing my eyes close with its continuous assault. 80km/hr is enough for me. ;)

When will I get to ride one again?

keep my big mouth shut

I have this problem of being truthful to the point that I hurt myself.

It took me one year to realised that even if that person is your boyfriend, there are things you should not say to him like. "I don't feel like we have a future" Unless of course, I would like to break up with him there and then.

It was the New Year's Eve and I travelled 10 hours to Penang to surprise my "not so happy kind of surprise" boyfriend.

And with all the happy times passing by us, I had to, at the moment while we were sitting on the beach watching Sunset, blurt out. "Dear, I think you were right. We are going to be just friends."

The day before, he just told me he loved me on the phone, after 6 months. Though since he had stop saying this phrase for so long, I doubted his sanity and sincerity at the point of time.

The next day came by and I was really not happy spending (most of the) time with him. He always waste time sleeping in the hotel room. Taking extremely long time to get ready to go out. Make rude remarks at me. I had to be resolute and keep silent for him to get the hint that he is really pissing me off. Though I think he had no idea, he totally ruined my "romantic getaway" I planned in my mind when I set off on 30th Dec 2009 night.

I think I really cannot accept who he is. Why am I still with him? I need to rethink my decisions.

honey honey

many friends of mine must think that I am damn disgusting! hahaha..

I used to be the one condemning girls who neglect their friends when they are in a relationship. Now that mine has been with me for 1 yr plus already and i must apologise to my girls that I have not been going out with you as I have been spending so much time with my honey~ haha.. *cue to puke now*

Our r/s has been on rocky ground and we have both never thought it will come to 1 yr plus since we met. Last night he was asking me how should be celebrate our anniversary, which is next year Valentines.

We had 4 months of guess and tease in Nov 2008 till we officially become a pair in 15th Feb 2009 and it has filled me with happiness and pain and sometimes tinge of lonliness when we fight.

Last night's romance had sweetened my memory of us and made me realise that happiness can be so simple. supper @ Mac D, tiny quarrel followed by a swear on his life that I have not lied to him. haha.. yes, I swear on his life, if I lied, he will die. So serious ahh.. but I can swear because I know the truth, I will never lie to him, he smiled and that boyish smile and the bear hug that followed will be with me all my life. We had bowling which ended with an arrogant man and a throughly defeated woman. Haha.. Damn angry with him man.. never give chance at all.. but its good to see my boy happy.

He told me "I love you" in such a stupid way... I knew I would win.. some how I know that he loves me although he refuse to admit it.

Finally he spent the night in my room which I keep asking him to since months ago. He refuse to come into my house cause he does not like my siblings to know we are together again. Maybe he also doesn't want my siblings to think I am a loose girl who brings man home, but hey, we have been together for so long, he should really loosen up there. I hate going to his place because I have to hide all the time, so I want him to come to my house, which he doesn't have to be discreet, but he insisted on discretion.

Still, last night felt so good because he was with me till dawn. I love to sleep in his arms as his hug me tightly as if he is afraid that I will disappear and kiss me on my cheeks and neck now and then.

Do I love him? To quote him, I have no idea any more, but this is some kinda of commitment that I have put myself into. I like him and I see myself spending the rest of my life with my dearest honey.

vacation plan

Its the end of the year and I am surfing facebook photos of friends who are currently travelling the world or have came back from their vacation.

I yearn to go to the places they have been. But my honey is not free and if he is free, he will not be spending time with me but with his family. I have decided to plan my vacations with my friends instead of my lovey dovey. =P I have spent the whole year trying to get him to go on vacation with me, initially it was because the destination he wants to go are way out of my budget as I was earning minimum wage, now I wanna go to his destinations, he is busy spending time with his family. Sigh. We only manage to go JB, KL& Batam this year (+ sentosa). I foresee will miss him very much when I travel to places and wish that he is right by my side.

I will be going to India next year with Fiza. Next on my list is Thailand and Australia and many mini trips to my favorite neightbour Malaysia.

Jump Abroad! Coz we are setting sail~

cooking porridge

last time, I tried to cook rice, and it became porridge.

Now i try to cook porridge, it became rice... =|

I need a man who can cook to be my husband

who wanna apply? I promise I will wash the dishes